Alone in a crowd

As a Christmas non-celebrator, this time of year has historically been fairly uneventful for me. The extra holidays from work are nice to have but with no need to buy any presents or get together for a family gathering, it's usually quite a mundane few days. Add the general cold and wintry weather to the mix and as holidays go, they're not the greatest.



This year has been somewhat different. Having moved out of the family home and moved job, I found myself spending the last few days in a very solitary environment. This, despite being in London and surrounded by millions of noisy people. The simple fact being that none of those millions were the people I know or care about so might as well have not been there.

By way of explanation: I'd leave early in the morning for work where the rest of my team was away and our current temporary location is such that we're not in the open plan area so we're visually cut off from everyone else in the building. The social highlights of my work day would be a regular morning conference call and also lunch where I'd briefly chat to the Lebanese shop-owner making my chicken wrap. The rest of the day would be spent mostly in silence after which I'd head to the gym (to undo the effects of the chicken wrap) and eventually take a bus back to Hounslow while watching Netflix. Upon arrival, I'd have a meal then eventually reach the house in the late night - thus minimising the time in my loft. The loft is comfortable but I can't help but feel that being stuck in it is a little like being in prison. I also ate more cake and biscuits this week than is usual for me.

All in all a very solitary week in which I felt particularly ghost-like - existing but having minimal significance. You may be able to tell that I'm not totally fond of being alone. In the event, I found myself using social media a lot more than I have done since starting my new job. The most obvious motivation for this is that I was making an effort to replace the real-world social contact with the poor substitute of online interaction.

I say poor substitute because on the one hand it enables me to stay in touch with a much larger group of people around the world and comes with more control as I can switch on and off as and when I please, but on the downside it's a whole lot easier to pretend things are great while wallpapering over the cracks of my general malaise, sadness and discontent. Not a healthy long term solution as despite the progression of online interactions, it's just not the same as a real, living, breathing person to interact with. That's not to say any random person would do. I'd happily avoid talking to numerous people, but with the right person, even silently sitting on a bus-stop bench and watching the traffic go by is a moment to cherish.

That said, even a poor substitute is better than no substitute, so if you are feeling alone and not enjoying the extra holidays or this time of year, don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about being so - you're most definitely not the only one. There are people who will want to hear from you so share your thoughts, share your feelings, make your prayers and keep a positive outlook.

It's at times like this that I'm reminded of the amazing story of my namesake Prophet Yusuf/Joseph (peace be upon him) where after having been betrayed and flung to die at the bottom of a well/pit by his own brothers with no probability of escape, at this darkest of moments he was inspired that this was not the end and great and tumultuous events were yet to happen and, most definitely, his story was far from over.

Previous Article: Sound the (Passenger) Alarm

Something new

Sound the (Passenger) Alarm

On Monday morning I set off for work ten minutes earlier than usual thinking I'd experiment and see what difference it might make to my commute. Trains get full pretty quickly in the morning rush and I'd often find myself not being able to get onto a train and having to wait a few minutes for the next one. The general state of London public transport doesn't help (Piccadilly line troubles) and given the general cold and wintry weather, I'm keen to minimise my time outdoors standing on train platforms! 

On this occasion, the platform announcer announced additional delays and I had to wait for three trains before I could board one, which completely ruined my extra ten minutes. Once on board, it was standing room only and as the train moved on and we passed through one, two, three more stations, the carriage became increasingly full to a point where personal space is no longer acknowledged and everyone is jammed up against each other. Naturally, it gets very hot and uncomfortable as everyone is dressed for the cold outdoor weather and wrapped up in many layers. In addition, the train line that I use starts at Heathrow Airport so is always also carrying numerous travellers with large and voluminous suitcases which take up valuable space and reduce mobility.

As the train pulled into Acton Town station I felt a little jostling at my back and I stoically ignored it like any self-respecting London commuter would. It irritatingly continued so I turned around to give my best glare at the person responsible to find that the lady responsible wasn't really in control of herself and looked like she was about to collapse! The train doors opened while someone said "she's not well" which was a needless statement. A seated tourist lady saw what was happening and suggested that someone should pull the alarm at which I, along with everybody else on the carriage, collectively thought "Damn" (or a stronger word to indicate displeasure). 

I'm fairly sure I wasn't the only one to make the mental calculation that pulling the alarm would delay everyone and if the lady could just get off the train while it was already stopped, everyone could be on their way and she could get any help she might need on the platform. Everyone's a winner!

No such luck. The lady continued to sway without intent and the tourist lady continued to clamour. The tension was broken by the beeping of the doors signalling their imminent closure. Again the mental calculations that it was now too late, someone would have to pull the alarm if the lady was going to get any help but was anyone going to be brave enough to do so? Yes was the answer, someone near the cord did pull the train alarm and the doors stopped in their beeping and stayed open and the train stayed still.

At this stage another mental calculation went through my mind. The lady wasn't going to be able to get off the carriage by herself but anyone who did help would be honour bound to make sure she was eventually OK and who knew how long that might take. We were all either on our way to work or tourists unfamiliar with the emergency systems. Maybe there was someone with her who could help her?

Everyone stood and watched and after what felt like an eternity, I had enough and stepped forward to half-carry and help the lady stagger off the train and onto the platform where after seating her down on a bench and checking she had her bag, I tried to find out what had happened. It seemed relatively obvious that she was fainting due to heat but I thought it worth checking. Shortly after that the platform attendant came along to investigate and I assured him the lady was responsive and coping OK and he trotted off to get the train moving again. The lady was fully coherent by this stage and I eventually left her and continued on my way to work armed with an exciting story.*

About fifteen seconds passed from when I first turned around to glare until I reached out to stop her from falling. It felt like a lot longer while all these considerations and calculations ran through my head and it certainly felt like an impossibly long fifteen seconds with the curious series of events.

It was curious that on a train surrounded by people, practically everyone was frozen by the thought of personal and general inconvenience. 

I think that everyone knew the right thing to do - to help the lady who clearly needed assistance. But at the same time, everyone was conflicted that if they did help there might be a penalty for someone else to pay. A delayed train would make people late for work - obviously an important part of people's lives and not everyone has the luxury of flexible start times. In the consideration of the wider good, could they help someone in distress? A little bit of a philosophical dilemma.

The other conflict was after the alarm had been pulled and everyone was going to be delayed a few minutes, would anyone take the hit to further inconvenience and further delay themselves to help a stranger in need. It was definitely a calculation that ran through my head and while I did I decide that her human need was greater than my desire to arrive at work on time, I'm very curious that it was something I actually had to consider. I also like to think that if I hadn't helped, someone else would have but who really knows. Maybe they'd have waited for the platform attendant and potentially valuable time would pass. In this case it was a relatively minor faint and not a heart attack or something very time-sensitive so maybe that's why people were reticent to assist immediately.

Lots of interesting questions to think about, not least of which is what would I like to have happened if it had been me fainting, but to my mind an interesting take away was that the world would be a much darker place without the kindness of strangers and if in doubt, help first and ask questions later. 

*The lady was indeed fine in the end - I coincidentally saw her again on Tuesday morning on the same train!

Previous Article: Contemplation

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Contemplation

My maternal grandmother passed away in India last night after a long and active life of 90 years. Given her age and that at last news her health was deteriorating, it didn't come as a complete surprise but the event does certainly stir the emotions. When Muslims hear of a death, we say inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon - To God we belong and to Him we return. It's light on the tongue but a heavy and beautiful reminder that our lives are not ours to fritter away but to make the most of it with goodly action as we are all going to go on that path, or as Game of Thrones would have it - valar morghulis.

Living as we did, several thousand miles apart, most of what I remember about her was from my childhood when we'd make frequent family trips to India but even then, I don't immediately remember a great deal from those trips - as a child my major concern was that we'd always go in the summer holidays which corresponded to monsoon season in India which meant we were mostly indoors.

Upon hearing of her death, I pondered - trying to remember what I could about her. I remember an old photo where she was robustly holding my toddler self while my older cousins posed and I remember the last time I saw her. I last visited India ten years ago and my Urdu is quite awful so when I was around her I couldn't communicate all that effectively but I remember her waving from the window when we were making our goodbyes and I remember thinking how small and fragile she looked, and in my youthful arrogance, wondering if I'd see her again. Not my greatest moment but I do also remember praying for her and myself as a result.

In all honesty, it saddens me to admit that I didn't know much about her beyond a general overview of her life. My memories of her are clearly very limited and 90 years is a long time and those who were geographically closer like my cousins will no doubt tell me numerous stories about her as the days go by. I could be very wrong (and I'm sure my cousins will correct me if so!) but hers was not a life of grand and momentous activity but a relatively simple life much like countless anonymous others. Growing up in a village before ending up in Mumbai with my grandfather, she did her duty and fulfilled her religious and social role: believer, daughter, wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother.

That's not to say her life was unimportant - every life is. She was loved by those she knew and to those whose lives she was directly or indirectly involved in she made a huge difference and had huge impact. The values she instilled in her children live on in the generations that came after and our very existence was naturally dependent on her. Her descendants have ended up all over the globe making what further impact they can in their own social circles and much like ripples on the sea, it's impossible to track what far-reaching effect these are having.

It's more than a passing curiosity that, even in our modern and progressive world, when people hear of a death they grow solemn and supportive and still acknowledge that the ending of a life is a significant thing. My various WhatsApp groups have been hugely supportive with prayers for her forgiveness and granting of Paradise to her and it's genuinely moving and appreciated. People make time to visit close relatives of the deceased and even brand new work colleagues are understanding of the need for flexibility.

When we hear of the death of strangers on the news its relatively easy to dissociate oneself from it but when it's someone you know who's been affected it's all that much closer to home and that little phrase becomes a stark reminder of our own mortality and the productiveness of our own existence.

To God we belong and to Him we return.

Previous Article: Hello from the other side

Hello from the other side

I had my first day at my new job today. After the utter shock and insensibility of the latter half of last week with Trump becoming President-Elect of the USA, my previous state of general calm had been somewhat destabilised and I was a little excited and nervous for my own new beginning at Virgin Media. In preparation for the new job I had temporarily moved over to a friend's flat in West London to make my commute a lot more manageable so along with my new job I also had a new location to add to the general feeling of change. Something to discuss in another post maybe.

I woke up early today but was a bit complacent as a result and took my time to get ready and ended up leaving a couple minutes after my planned departure time. In turn, this meant that I spent the half an hour to the office more concerned about arriving on time than about any apprehensions I might have otherwise had. This has actually happened previously and is quite an effective way of calming oneself - being more worried about punctuality so that when you do actually arrive, you're so relieved you forget to be nervous! Very useful for interviews where you can comfortably deflect any blame for lateness on to traffic/transport.

People say that first impressions are lasting impressions and I'd say I mostly agree. The first impression someone makes on you goes a long way to building trust and confidence in them and while a bad first impression can be turned around, it's definitely much easier to start off on the right foot. I'd spent the run-up to today keeping a low social profile and talking almost exclusively only to those I love and I could be totally relaxed with in an effort to save and build up my social energy for today.

The rest of the day went past quite quickly. I got to know my new team who are a very pleasant and helpful bunch of people, sorted out my various accesses and technologies, explored my new premises and was pleased to find that the contemplation/prayer room was immediately behind where my desk is. I was also very excited to discover that the cafe across the road from the office served halal food! In short, a very successful first day alhamdulillah (praise be to God) and not much to complain about beyond the poor weather. The various anxieties that came and went in the lead up to today pretty much all turned out to be non-existent and unjustified!


Previous Article: Oh dear
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Oh dear

What just happened?! I woke up this morning thinking the worst thing that could happen today was that my car might be snowed in (I'm currently in Scotland). Instead, as I checked the news expecting to read of Americans coming to their senses and of an electoral rout by Hillary, I found that Donald Trump is pretty much going to be the next President of the United States of America.

I'm about as shocked as I was for Brexit, possibly more so as I'm not in the US so not so personally aware of the issues that drive people to make such a ridiculous voting choice. 

It's all a bit too raw and too soon for me so while the result is made certain and the dust settles and the ramifications of this event become clear, I'm just going to praying super-hard.

Previous Article: Clinton or Trump?
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Clinton or Trump?

Obviously Hillary. How is this still even a question?! It is absolutely ridiculous and mind-boggling that in the latest polls Clinton and Trump are still running close.

Over the years as I've grown a little bit more aware of politics and government I've developed a healthy scepticism of politicians and world leaders. At the very basic minimum, I've realised that leaders have to make difficult choices and decisions and no one is ever going to agree with everything any of them do and they'll receive criticism from someone regardless of what they do. And that getting things done in a large organisation (or the wider world) takes diplomacy, compromise and and ability to generate consensus.

In the upcoming presidential election, the US voter has a choice. Option one is Hillary Clinton, who's been involved with government for the past 30 years and has huge amounts of experience in getting things done and keep the wheels of government rolling. There's been controversy over her use of a private email server while secretary of state which the FBI have just cleared her again of criminality.

In that 30 years, she's had to make difficult decisions with regards to government decisions, be involved with wars and is responsible for the consequences of those actions, lots of which are pretty negative (loss of life is never a good thing). But in that same time frame she's also been involved with and responsible for a number of good things. Having been part of government for that long means it's guaranteed that she'll have changed her views since the beginning of her career and also have made numerous backroom and unsavoury deals in order to get things done. There's skeletons in everyone's closet.

And the other choice is Donald Trump. A candidate with just the most outrageous public views on a whole range of minority racial and religious groups, no practical experience of government, a number of ridiculous policies, who has alienated the party he's managed to get nominated by, denied holding views thats he's documented and filmed to have held, proven himself to have a notoriously thin skin for personal attacks whilst attacking everyone else, is a businessman who lost a billion dollars in a single year and as a result hasn't paid taxes for the last 18 years whilst attacking others for allegedly not paying taxes, also hasn't published his tax returns which convention says should be done by presidential candidates and has been filmed casually discussing his preferred method of sexually assaulting women.

I repeat, how is this still a question? The choice is between these two for, in essence, the most powerful person in the world, a leader who will be taking responsibility for how the world runs for the next four years and who will have to make supremely difficult decisions. We simply cannot have a person as volatile as Trump in that hot seat. People will disagree with policies and personal positions on both sides and that will colour their opinions but even if they were both horrible people, at the very least Hillary can pretend to be a decent human being and knows what the decent and non-offensive things to say in public are. Trump's public views are incredibly divisive, offensive and dangerous.

America, please stop this ridiculousness and show the world that offence and division are not the way forward.

Previous Article: Goodbye with/without regret?
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Goodbye with/without regret?

I've spent the last month at work steadily working down my notice period up until today when I finally walked out of my office for the last time. It's been an interesting month, not least because I handed in my notice the day after a new person joined my team to work alongside me, but also because of the emotional rollercoaster of saying goodbye and moving on to a new circumstance.

I began the transition and handover of some of my projects to my new colleague and in doing so began to realise the actual, surprisingly impressive scale of the things I was responsible for. I had been thinking I wasn't doing all that much so my initial thought was that the handover would be done in a week and then I would be twiddling my thumbs for the rest of the month - I was quite looking forward to the relaxation! In reality, the handover went on all the way until the half an hour before I left because it turned out I was actually doing quite a lot. I was very pleased and amused by this - I'd overlooked that I had slowly built up the know-how and depth for my projects over a year and a half and become somewhat desensitised to how much I was actually doing.

On the other side of the emotional coin was the feeling of having a deadline to my relationships with the various friends I had collected through seeing and interacting with them on a daily basis. Jokes were made and banter was had, but this being the third job I would leave, I was very aware that while I might add everybody on LinkedIn, people are busy and move on quickly and only a few would end up keeping in touch and I myself would only keep in touch with a few.

I also had a leaving lunch today with colleagues who'd been on my team. At the end of the meal, following standard office tradition, I was given a gift and a card signed by numerous others from the office. Upon returning to my desk, I finished off my handover activity and then scratched around for things to delay my departure so I could stay around my friends for a little longer. But I didn't have anything left to do and they did have things to do so I called it a day, said my goodbyes and left the building.

I read the card on the way home and some of the comments were touchingly personal and some were expectedly general ("Good luck Yusuf!") but still nice to see and made it even more of an emotional wrench to have said goodbye.

I had made my choice to leave a month previously when I had accepted my next job and I handed my notice in but as with any kind of change I wondered whether I handled things correctly, whether I had done the best I could and whether there were things I might have done differently? There is an emotional cycle to change and even if you end up where you were hoping to be, the human mind loves to play "What If...?" games.

You can always imagine that there might have been a better outcome, or if you'd tried harder, you could have avoided having to leave or change your situation. Or look at the upcoming uncertainty and imagine it's going to be totally terrible and being to regret having made the decision. There's a quote which is (mistakenly) attributed to Mark Twain: "Some of the worst things in my life never even happened". The human mind is a powerful thing and imagined, unlikely and hypothetical scenarios can put you off making good decisions.

From my perspective, I had made my decision based on the knowledge available to me at the time and with the realisation that maintaining the status quo has repercussions just as changing the situation does. The future is always uncertain and regardless of whether you do a particular thing or do not, circumstances will change around you and you'll end up with regrets either way for what might have been if you made the opposite decision.

I had also done Istikhara (Islamic Guidance Prayer), the meaning of which is particularly beautiful and reassuring. I've pasted the second half of it below, but in essence you're requesting assistance from God to help you be certain that you've made the right decision, to be pleased with the outcome and free you from the consuming burden of regret. And that is freedom is a great mental state to have when making decisions.

O Allah! If in Your Knowledge [this matter] be good for my faith (Deen), for my livelihood, and for the consequences of my affairs, then ordain it for me, and make it easy for me, and bless me therein. But if in Your Knowledge, [this matter] be bad for my faith (Deen) for my livelihood, and for the consequences of my affairs, then turn it away from me, and turn me away therefrom, and ordain for me the good wherever it be, and cause me to be pleased therewith.


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Qibla and reliance on technology

Qibla app not quite working as it should

I was sat at my computer at work this afternoon when up popped a new email notification. It turned out to be a message from another of the Muslims in the office stating the direction of the Qibla (Mecca) along with a couple of maps as supporting evidence. I was mildly surprised - it was a little out of the blue as there had been no previous discussion of the issue and so far as I knew the direction I and others prayed in was well known and consistent. I bemusedly shrugged it off as the sender being a little bored and quickly forgot about it.

Later in the afternoon I remembered I hadn't prayed Zuhr (early afternoon prayer) and upon checking the time realised I only had a few minutes in which to do so. I hurriedly left my desk and went down to the first aid/prayer room and found myself a little disgruntled to see a man already using the sink for wudhu (ablutions). Didn't he know I was running late? I waited for him to finish and quietly chatted to the other man in the room and immediately as the sink became available, I performed wudhu. So far nothing out of the ordinary. 

But once I'd finished I turned to ask the first chap if we could pray in jamaat (as a group in congregation) and spotted that he'd placed his prayer mat in slightly the wrong direction. He wasn't out by much but I informed him he wasn't quite oriented properly - to which he responded that he was. The other guy in the room agreed with me and we both suggested that he should orient himself in the direction I indicated and I placed my prayer mat on the ground to show him what we meant.

He said no and whipped out his phone to show us a Qibla compass app which pointed in the direction he was facing and said another person had also done the same thing with their phone and they'd both gotten the same direction. At this point I understood why the email had been sent out earlier - someone else must've had this same discussion and not been impressed with obstinacy. It was not a new discussion to me - Qibla direction is a fairly common discussion point and in fact, shortly after I joined the company I myself had spent a chunk of time with architect's floorplans and Google maps and Qibla direction websites to identify to my own satisfaction which direction Mecca was in.

But with only a few minutes left in which to pray, I didn't have time to argue and explain the problems that phone compass sensors have inside buildings where they're surrounded by metal objects and electromagnetic-field-generating electrical devices or the previous discussions that had been had or the various lengths people (including myself) had gone to to work out the direction to our best understanding. His app had said this was the direction and his faith in technology was strong and stubborn and without freedom of time, I yielded the discussion and got on with the prayer united in congregation and his chosen direction.

Reliance on technology has become a way of the world with ever more devices, machines and apps that take care of all the details, big and small. They take away a lot of stress and make life a lot easier and we end up so reliant on them that we only notice when they break down. This isn't usually a problem - I'm perfectly happy to take a train to work, drive a car, use my phone as my alarm clock or type up a blog post on a computer. Technology as a tool is great but technology as a source of information is a whole other can of worms. 

The first claim to state is that information is only ever as good as the source. A known liar is no good as a source and a stranger shouldn't be taken at face-value. In day to day life, we laugh at people who use the Daily Mail as their evidence for stories and universities won't even accept Wikipedia as a citable source because, despite its sometimes overwhelming range and detail, the source of information on the website is unknown. Knowing what has gone into producing a piece of information is vital to being able to trust it. 

A couple of days ago I came across an interesting article on the BBC about how mathematical models are being used to score defendants on their likelihood to commit crime. The article mentions how the algorithm/model behind the scoring is a black-box secret. Yet it's apparently being used to decide whether a person is guilty or a crime or not. As someone who works in 'big data' this sets off all my alarm bells. If in my consultative work I built a model without explaining how it worked I'd be laughed out of the meeting room! Yet here is a live example of people making sentencing decisions based on "Computer says 'Yes'". 

In the case of the Qibla app above, the man had downloaded the app but didn't have an understanding of how it worked. It gave him an answer to a question he had and so far as he was concerned it had to be the right answer as it was a machine. Never mind that people were telling him otherwise. Just didn't occur to him that a machines can go wrong if the inputs are wrong. The image at the start of this post show just how wrong apps can be.

At the Saturday School I volunteer at, I get supremely infuriated and irritated when the A level students are using their calculators for the simplest calculations. I often confiscate them when I see them using a calculator to work out 1^2 or when they're confused after typing in a calculation and getting a different solution to the answer-sheet - "they're using a calculator so it must be correct and the answer-sheet wrong" - without realising they've actually typed the input numbers correctly.

It's a worrying trend that as technology gets more and more complicated, fewer and fewer people understand how it works and are happy to take it on blind faith that it works properly. The only real way to fight the trend is to get educated and learn more about the technology that controls you and the world around you and to be constantly aware that even the best machine is only as good as its input - what do you know of the input?

To quote Arthur Weasley in Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets "What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain.”

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Noor Tagouri and a needless dose of outrage

I came across a little storm on the internet over this recent weekend, Noor Tagouri - an American Muslim broadcaster in her early twenties was apparently interviewed by Playboy magazine as a Renegade/rising star in broadcast media (I'm not linking to it but I'm sure if you really wanted to find it, you could). She has an online following on Instagram and Twitter like any nascent celebrity should and proudly and vocally wears the hijab/scarf. This last bit is important to note to understand the storm.

Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about Noor Tagouri and hadn't heard of her until this week and this is all from Google as she's not a serious enough celebrity yet to have her own Wikipedia page. I haven't read the Playboy interview either as I want to approach this from the theoretical point of view of the standard angry Twitter user/keyboard warrior.

This is Noor Tagouri. Image taken from Aquila Style

The little storm I mentioned is the storm that's blown up over whether, as a hijab-wearing Muslim woman who has pursued a life direction which puts her in the public eye, Noor should have agreed to be interviewed by Playboy magazine - a magazine which is world renowned for its appeal to the baser needs of men. It's also caused people who were comfortable and complacent in their own practice and life to ask questions of what hijab means.

My own personal view on the matter is that I don't really care. This is a stance I take on most celebrity news stories so there's nothing new here.

It is interesting though to observe the storm that's developed amongst the online Muslim community. Based on the number of different articles and sources I've seen posted, it's definitely generated a lot of commentary and a large number of strong opinions being formed by what seems to be all sides. For example, there's people saying she's being a brave Muslim and others calling her a disgraceful Muslim, some saying that it's raising and normalising hijab awareness and other saying it makes a mockery of the hijab.

Controversy by its very definition is divisive and polarises opinion. But controversy is also very fascinating and as a PR move this episode has certainly raised awareness of Noor in the Muslim community. With the wider public who pay attention to such matters, this will help Noor break further into being seen as mainstream personality. But my feeling is that most of the casual 'readers' of Playboy magazine likely won't be paying attention to the magazine text so possibly awareness with these fellows will be limited.

From what I can observe people on both sides of the 'debate' are stirred by the same thing: Noor has taken her Islamic hijab to places it wouldn't be expected. Some call it brave and support her, others call it unnecessary and don't support her. Others still call it dangerous and a betrayal and vilify her.

Playboy is known for its exploitation of immodesty so it's a fair question to ask if a person pushing a modest agenda should feature in it (for an interview not a risqué photoshoot). Seemingly it's a direct contradiction with the modest purpose of the hijab. You can have your opinion and form your own judgement on this question. The simplicity of the question also makes it a very easy one with which to take one of multiple moral high grounds and there's nothing people like more than seizing the moral high ground.

The pro-moral high ground is that she's done it to challenge stereotypes and make the hijab more mainstream in the USA and to show that Muslim women are empowered and boost awareness and improve mainstream attitudes towards Islam.

The anti-moral high ground is that her actions are not modest and she has a young, impressionable following and by associating with a famously immodest magazine she's undermining what it means to be an empowered Muslim woman and also going against Islamic teaching and practice of modesty.

In this instance, both sides have a reasonable case and which particular moral high ground you take you really depends on your own whim and circumstance and your attitude to being outraged. The anti- high ground offers more opportunity for outrage and personal feeling so it's unsurprising that lots of people have taken this stance. The pro- high ground requires a more circumspect view and offers less immediate outrage gratification but allows you to get outraged at the stance that the anti- moral high grounders have taken.

I personally find it hard to get outraged anymore in the modern world we live in where hyperbole and extreme reaction are becoming more and more normal.

I don't feel strongly about this issue at all but I'd say Noor should live her life based on what she feels is right and not be worried about what her more outspoken followers would like her to do based on the lives that they lead. Whatever she does, people will talk and judge and she'll have to live with whatever the worldly outcome may be and the departure or arrival of followers and supporters.

Her intention is her own though and, according to Islamic tradition, that will be judged by Allah (God). The rest of us can comment and criticise or support or not care either way and, so long as comment is respectful, let the non-outraged discussions and explorations continue!

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YMLP Reunion 2016

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Some of you may remember that last year I was lucky enough to go on the Young Muslim Leadership programme. If you don't you can read a little about it on my post at the time. I met amazing people while on the course and made firm friends with a lot of them and our cohort WhatsApp group is still as active as it was last year. In fact, last week's Wedding Speech post was from the wedding of a friend I made on the programme.

Each year, the organisers (Oxford Centre of Islamic Studies) hold an Alumni day where all previous participants are invited back to Oxford for a day of hobnobbing with the Centre staff/facilitators and also meet the current programme participants. Having had a great experience of it last year, I was very pleased when my invitation came through and over the following weeks co-ordinated with other members of my cohort to plan our transport and attendance. The car journey to Oxford with Jamilla and Ashraf was packed full of drama with lateness and some very memorable conversation that really made the miles fly by.

On arrival in Oxford we wandered into the Centre where we were pleasingly met by various facilitators whom we recognised from our time last year who briefly explained the format of the day - that we should take a name badge, sign up to attend the talks in the afternoon and have a good day. Scanning the name badges to find your own was a fun little exercise - each name I recognised gave me a small stab of happiness.

We'd arrived almost at the scheduled starting time and so were ushered toward the main hall for the day's activities where we were greeted by Dr Farhan Nizami (Centre Director) and Dr Asma Mustafa (primary facilitator) and welcomed with tea and biscuits. A quick game of I-spy ensued as I tried to spot familiar faces in the gathering crowd. My own purposes for attending was to reconnect with friends and people I already knew rather than make new acquaintances but I recognised enough people to keep me happy.

Eventually the formal proceedings began with an introduction and welcome by Dr Nizami followed by a series of short talks by various Alumni who wanted to share experiences and projects that they were working on. Some were more interesting than others depending on your personal interests. After this there was a session where we were informed of the existence of an Alumni Advisory Group and people who had ideas on how to go about setting up an alumni network were asked to share. A fair chunk of this session seemed to be a re-run of the previous year's discussions though I think this time round the output will hopefully be more tangible. The chairperson for the session was adamant that he would eat into our lunch break - an intention which I heartily disapproved of.

Eventually though, we did finish and had lunch followed by Dhuhr prayer in the Centre's prayer hall which really is a very beautiful room. Lunch is always a good time to chat and catch up with people and this one was no exception. I was able to talk to various people in the queue and at the table, including the Registrar Richard Makepeace and got into an in-depth and stimulating discussion about business and careers with one of the alumni from the very first YMLP cohort. I left lunch with my hunger sated but with lots of food for thought.

The talks began after lunch but YMLP encourages free-thinking so I and a few others instead decided we'd prefer to chat and explore the building and gardens. We did this for an hour or so and had a great time of it catching up with the various people we bumped into after which we were joined by everybody else on their break between talks. During the break we took a great big group photo and as the break came to an end, rather than join the second set of talks, the same handful of free-thinkers said our goodbyes, meandered our way to the exit and quietly departed.

All in all it was a fantastic day and a thoroughly enjoyable reminder of our fortnight and the friendships we made and the endless possibilities of life.

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Customer Service

Last Friday afternoon I wandered into the Sainsbury's store near my office looking for a chocolate bar to eat with my lunch. I'd already bought some authentic, handmade by Italians and artisan mushroom pasta from Scarpetta and was in the mood for something sweet to accompany it.

I walked into the store intending to buy a chocolate bar at their standard price of 65p - most likely a Wispa Gold - when my eye was drawn by the bakery. Or maybe it was my nose. However it was, I noticed a basket full of individual sugared ring doughnuts gloriously covered in sugar and priced at 30p each. I quickly did the mental calculation and worked out I could have two and still be within budget! My senses were tingling with anticipation but relying on the retail experience I gained while working at Tesco HQ I looked around for a multipack which would offer better value. 

I hurriedly scanned the rest of the shelves and there it was, nestled in with the bags of chocolate covered mini doughnuts: a pack of 5 Sugared Ring Doughnuts. I nervously looked at the price label and was astonished to see it was only 70p! Bargain! Slightly outside of my intended budget but with 5 doughnuts I could eat a few and share the rest with my colleagues and earn brownie points. The possibilities seemed to extend infinitely ahead of me so before my excitement got the better of me I grabbed the box and rushed to the checkout. 

I already had a bag courtesy of my authentic, handmade by Italians and artisan mushroom pasta so I skipped past the "How many bags have you taken?" screen on the self-checkout and placing my trophy carefully into my Italian bag I walked out of the store and began the two minute walk back to my office.

Halfway there, my eagerness got the better of me and I opened the pack of doughnuts so I could begin my feast. I reached into the bag and, carefully exercising restraint, I delicately took out just a single doughnut. Just before it reached my mouth though, I glanced at it and stopped in my tracks.

The doughnut I had taken out was not sugared. I checked the box and confirmed it read "Sugared Ring Doughnuts". These were just "Ring Doughnuts"! 

I now had a dilemma: continue on to the office or return to the store and query the situation with Customer Services? However, the store was busy and so was I. I valiantly chose to proceed on my way back to work and make do with the doughnuts as they were.

On the way though, a thought occurred to me. In recent times, I'd read numerous stories of how regular, everyday people had registered their complaints on supermarket social media accounts and resolved their situations that way. 

I thought it worth a shot and so, once I was back at my desk and had explained the situation to my colleagues, I took photos of the offending doughnuts, reactivated my Twitter account and posted a photo tagging Sainsburys:

I waited half an hour without reply so I posted on the Sainsbury's Facebook page:

Soon afterward, Debs responded on Facebook with a rather well thought out reply:

As did Brad on Twitter - though with a less well thought out reply:

I decided to hedge my bets and pursue the issue on both platforms:

But they caught on and closed me down on Twitter. Maybe they talked to each other:

The Facebook conversation continued though:

But I don't have a Nectar card so this wouldn't do. I wondered what to say and then decided to come clean:

My honesty paid off:

Success!

I sent a private message with my home address and then embarked upon a discussion with my colleagues wondering just how much the gift card would be worth. We were of the opinion it would be almost definitely be more than 70p and that if I was really, really lucky it might be up to £5! 

In the end, £2 was offered and I graciously accepted. By this time I had also eaten three of the doughnuts and given one away so everybody came out ahead.

What started out as a terrible and ruinous catastrophe ended up with quite a tidy conclusion due to some excellent and responsive customer service and, to my mind at least, social media serving as a direct conduit between customer and retailer. They weren't able to replace my doughnuts with sugared ones but I think they did the next best thing!


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Under The Knife - Laser Eye Surgery - part 3

Catch up with 

Part 1 - The Importance of Vision

Part 2 - Making It Happen

I signed and initialled the various documents in the Patient Pack before turning up to the Optical Express branch on Shaftesbury Avenue a few minutes before my 1445 appointment. I had my father with me - the paperwork I'd signed had insisted I brought someone with me to 'help me get home' along with a pair of dark sunglasses as my eyes would apparently be sensitive/painful after the surgery and I would be very drowsy. He had generously volunteered to be my chaperone. 

After handing my documents to a nurse for verification, I found a comfortable seat and waited to be called up. As I was doing so, a man walked out of the clinical area wearing dark sunglasses. He was unaccompanied and stopped to exchange a few very cheerful and upbeat pleasantries with the nurse and then sprightly exited the building - still alone. I watched with confusion and after he'd gone, I asked the nurse if he'd had the surgery. She confirmed he had. I felt very reassured - this man had just been through it and come out on the other side in what was clearly a very buoyant mood and seemingly none the worse for wear. I wondered if my father had noticed, but I decided not to raise the issue as I felt a bit silly for having wasted his time and quietly continued to leaf through my documents.

Another man came out wearing dark sunglasses, this time with his parents, but again in a chirpy mood. I felt even sillier.

My name was called up about half an hour after my arrival. Only patients are allowed in the operating room so I walked in alone to find a very friendly and talkative nurse who asked me to leave my jacket on the side and lie down on the cushioned surgery table underneath a very large and bulky machine which I imagine is the laser. I leave everything on the side: phone, wallet, coins, keys - I want absolutely nothing on me that may upset a machine that's about to get up close and personal with my eyes!

The nurse is chatting away while explaining what he's doing - asking how I got there, sterilising the eye area, asking about my work, putting in some anaesthetic eye drops to numb the eye surface, talking about how good the surgeon is. If he was trying to help me relax he did a good job. Some time passes and he announces that the surgeon is here now and we'll commence. I wonder if the drops have done their work.

The surgeon gets straight into it. 

He warns he's applying suction - "hold very still - you'll feel pressure on your eye - don't blink until it goes dark and you can't see anything. Just relax."

I've read the procedure detail and know to expect all this but it's different when it's happening! "Just relax" while some machine pushes down on my eye and my vision goes dark?!?! Each eye is prepared in about fifteen seconds but so far it's definitely easier said than done.

The bulky machine swings to move directly over my right eye and I'm told to keep looking at the little flashing orange light directly in my line of vision. The next bit is the creation of the corneal flap. This is the actual surgical, slicing part of the procedure where the cornea is cut and folded back from the iris so the laser has the access it needs. This is where the surgeon earns his money and is a very delicate process.

He begins by saying something like "Ok Yusuf, I need you you to keep your eyes still and not to squeeze your eyes in this next part while I make the corneal flap. OK? No squeezing."

This part wasn't described in the notes. I murmur agreement but I'm thinking WTF? How do I even squeeze my eyes? I don't want to sound an idiot though so I resolve to just keep eyes very still and and stay very calm. He continues: "It'll be 15 seconds again for each eye then it'll be done. Just relax and keep looking at the light. You might see instruments moving over your eye - don't worry about them - just focus on the light."

And he begins. I do see an instrument moving over my eye. It's pointy but I keep my attention on the flashing orange light which has become a little bit of a friend. I hear "Yusuf don't squeeze". Dammit man, I don't know what you're talking about! I'm not squeezing! I resort to deep breathing exercises to help relax and distract me from what's happening. 

The instruments keep moving and suddenly the orange flashing light turns in an instant from sharp to an orange blur - similar to looking at a streetlamp in a thick fog. But it's still flashing and I keep looking at it. I calculate that the sudden blurriness means he must've folded back the corneal flap. "Don't squeeze, OK?". There's a bit more alarm in his voice now. And then he moves away. It was a very long 15 seconds but the eye is prepared. 

He moves to the other eye. It's the same procedure and having been through it once I'm feeling confident. We go along and it's the same thing except this time there's more alarm in his "Don't squeeze!" instructions. I learned later that I was actually squeezing quite a lot and almost spoiled things on the second eye. If I had done my last bit of squeezing a split second earlier we'd have had to do the flap all over again. I also learned that the squeezing he kept talking about was similar to when you squint at something! I can't help but feel it would've been useful to know before the surgery!

Now we've come to the laser - this part is all computer controlled. I'm still looking at the foggy flashing orange light when the surgeon warns I'll hear noises and possibly smell some burning. "Perfectly routine and nothing to worry about, just keep your body and your eye very still and it'll be another 15 seconds per eye." Easy for you to say - you're not about to smell your own burning eyes. But this is it. This is what I'm here for. I hold very, very, very still and exhale deeply. It begins.

It was over very quickly - one eye then the other in thirty seconds. I did hear the noises I was warned about but I'd heard them from the waiting area during the prior surgeries so wasn't alarmed. Thankfully, I also didn't smell any burning. All that was left was to replace the corneal flap which took a second for each eye and returned my vision to me, then to move the bulky machine away and finally to sit up. 

I looked around the room - the effect was instant and amazing. Having been staring intently at a foggy orange light for the last 5-10 minutes, everything I looked at was sharply defined and in clear focus. The surgeon led me to an examination room and checked close-up that everything was ok and as it should be and I was OK. No problems from my side, none from his side so we shook hands and I went for a post-op briefing with another nurse.

Eye protector

I was given a little bag with three different eyedrop bottles and an eye protector. She explained take the eye drops four times daily for a week and use the eye protector when I went to sleep also for a week. Absolutely no rubbing the eyes for a couple of days no matter how much you might want to, no water on the eyes for 24 hours, don't take the Underground for a few days (too dusty), come back for a check up tomorrow morning and various other instructions which were also detailed in the Patient Pack. Once that was done I was free to go. 

Eye drops

I felt really, really good. There was none of the pain or sensitivity that I'd been warned about in the reading material. I put on my sunglasses anyway, went to my father and about an hour after we'd arrived, we left the building and departed into the bright afternoon sunlight to catch a bus home. I took every opportunity to look at things in the distance and marvel at how astoundingly sharp and defined my vision now was and sat on the bus feeling, all in all, very good about myself and what I had just gone through.

It was about fifteen minutes after we'd left that the anaesthetic started to wear off and it became clear why they insist on having someone with you to help you home. 

TO BE CONTINUED.

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Previous article: Making it Happen - Laser Eye Surgery - part 2
Next article: Customer Service

Making It Happen - Laser Eye Surgery - part 2

Catch up with Part 1 here

From here it should have been straightforward. Have the consultation, verify suitability, negotiate the price and then have the surgery. Nothing ever goes quite as it should though.

I had booked my no-obligation consultation for a Wednesday afternoon and ensured I had the last slot of the day at 3:50pm so I could get most of a full day's work in. On the day itself, I spent the morning and early afternoon making sure I'd covered my planned activities and it was all going smoothly until around 2pm when I received a call from Optical Express. The lady on the phone explained she was from my local branch, that they were running behind schedule and wouldn't be able to get to me before closing time. And would I mind moving the consultation to next week?

I wasn't overly impressed and said I'd be happy to come in later. She said that wouldn't work as the optometrist would have gone home. This left me even less impressed but I didn't really have much choice in the matter so agreed to delay by a week to the next Wednesday and mentally fumed at them for playing with my plans. This turned into actual fuming when I later received an email from Optical Express customer service asking why I hadn't turned up the consultation and if I wanted to re-book! Clearly they have some issues with coordinating their branches with their centralised (Scotland based) customer service team. 

I'd forgotten my anger by the next week though and upon finally going to my consultation, the company rep briefly explained the format: the whole process would take about 90 minutes, during which we'd run through various tests, which would be followed by an eye exam. I'd have chance to ask questions and afterward the decision to proceed or not would be totally up to me. Seemed fair to me.

Most of the consultation was actually with the optometrist who examined my eyes closely with various lights, gave me a proper eye test to verify my actual prescription and then together we watched a standard company video explaining the risks and benefits of eye surgery. The surgeon in the video talked of how confident he was in laser eye surgery - proof of which was that his wife and daughter had been through it. I made a comment about wanting to know if he was still married (maybe he didn't like his wife anymore). There were a number of risks and possible side effects and I would strongly advise anyone considering treatment to do their research into possible impacts and read the negative stories as well as the positive reviews. The USA FDA website put it very well - "You are probably NOT a good candidate for refractive surgery if you are not a risk taker". I

The optometrist explained the different treatment options available (entry level LASEK, middling LASIK and premium LASIK+iDesign) and that I was a suitable candidate for any of the three. Given that I was only planning on doing this once and that it was my own eyes, I was quite certain I wanted the best treatment possible with the shortest recovery time possible - eyes are important!

Having gone through all the tests, my optometrist typed the numbers into the computer which did its thing and she then quoted me the price the computer gave. From my previous research, I'd had an idea in my head of what I considered to be a fair price and it was well above my estimate. I asked why it was so different to the advertised prices and we briefly talked through the issue but it soon became clear that she wasn't the person I needed to negotiate with - it was the company rep who had the final say on the matter.

So I sat down with the rep and we discussed my expectations, what I'd been told, what the adverts said, the price others had paid and pretty much why I thought the price given was far too high. I claimed to be a reasonable man and accused them of being unreasonable. She was perfectly happy to negotiate and seemed to expect it so we talked for a little while and I raised the topic of various vouchers and promotions I'd come across online and talked about how I was also going to consult with other providers and eventually I managed to secure a healthy discount from the original price to a level I felt fair. 

Having agreed all the details, I booked the surgery for the next available Friday slot (which turned out to be in three weeks time) along with a pre-surgery appointment to meet my surgeon so I could get to know the person I'd be letting play with my eyes. I chose a Friday afternoon as the recovery period promised was only two days  - which would allow me to get away with taking only a half-day off from work and use the weekend to recuperate if necessary.

Before I left, I was given a folder holding information about what to expect before, during and after the operation along with a lengthy informed consent document which I would need to read and sign before any surgery could take place. This document went properly in-depth into the possible risks and requested my acknowledgement of all of them with my initials required after every paragraph to prove I'd read them. To me it felt like the document was there to make sure Optical Express were off the hook for as much as possible - which I guess is to be expected but wasn't particularly confidence-building!

Three weeks passed quickly and I went along to my pre-surgery appointment. Upon arrival my eyes were tested again to help double-check the numbers from my consultation and I was then introduced to my surgeon. It turned out he was an Indian doctor who had trained in Mumbai alongside a Dr Undre. No doubt some unknown and distant relation of mine but we had a pleasant chat about the city and surrounding areas which I'd last visited 10 years ago! I tried to recall as much as I could in an effort to bond with him so he'd feel greater accountability when doing my surgery. We spoke about numerous topics including his general opthalmic experience and his own motivations for leaving India and moving to the UK - an easier professional life. Chatting with the surgeon really did help to build trust and calm my thoughts and apprehensions about the upcoming surgery.

I left the clinic after an hour feeling very positive about the upcoming operation. The only thing left to do was wait four days and go under the knife.

TO BE CONTINUED.

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Previous article: The Importance of Vision - Laser Eye Surgery - part 1
Next article: Under the Knife - Laser Eye Surgery - part 3

The Importance of Vision - Laser Eye Surgery - part 1

I've been wearing glasses since I was 12 years old. It all started after I'd been representing Lancashire in a national table tennis tournament and, having been roundly beaten by some of my competitors and won only one match out of five, I blamed my losses on not being able to see the ball clearly - a distinct disadvantage in such a high-speed sport. In hindsight, it was a bit of a tenuous excuse and my mother sent me straight to the optician where it turned out that I actually was slightly short-sighted! Not enough to have realistically impacted my table tennis but enough to warrant glasses for occasional use. Thus began my life behind a window.

That life ended on Friday last week when I underwent laser eye surgery.

I'd expect that pretty much everyone who wears glasses has at least given laser eye surgery a passing thought. Having clear sight without needing corrective equipment will appeal to every single glasses-wearer. They may not like the procedure or the risks but the benefits will certainly appeal! Sight is the sense with which we quickly consume the largest volume of information about the world around us. The age of technology which we live in becomes very difficult to navigate without your eyes. Touchscreen phones are a prime example of a tool which becomes useless without sight but occupies an indispensable role in our lives. Those of you who don't need glasses are very, very blessed and fortunate and I hope you stay that way!

I'd ummed and ahhed about having the surgery for several years. One of the prerequisites of surgery is that your eyes need to be stable. Glasses-wearers will know that eyes tend to get weaker through the teen years and into the early twenties. In my own case, my prescription hadn't changed for several years and I hadn't needed to update my glasses. But still, it was a passive thought at the back of my mind and not something I'd seriously considered until one day I was discussing glasses with some work colleagues and it turned out one of them had had laser eye surgery to bring them from almost legally blind to not needing any correction. And then in short order I learned that a few more of my friends had also had it done and all spoke about it in glowing terms!

So I started reading up on the operation to get an understanding of what was involved, the different types, the risks, the benefits and the financial costs. The internet came into very useful - all the operating clinics have extensive information about all of the above and you can also find various forums and discussion boards where people have discussed their experiences with the surgery. Some people go abroad to have it done at significantly cheaper prices, some get vouchers and deals, others negotiate with the provider, some get cheaper treatment and yet others get put off by the whole thing and never have the surgery.

For myself, I decided that the actual surgery wasn't going to vary much between the different providers since my prescription was fairly low and the lasering needed would be minimal. Which made my three most important factors the price, the aftercare and location.

• Price - because as an elective surgery, there is no standard pricing so providers can charge what they like and no one likes being ripped off. 
• Aftercare - because the eyes are vital and delicate instruments so you want to make sure your provider will do a decent job during the recovery phase after the surgery.
• Location - because I'm lazy and didn't want to travel far so London based was perfect.

In the end, after months of research and investigation, my preferred choice ended up being Optical Express who ticked all three of my major requirements. They came with a personal recommendation for their aftercare from a friend, had a branch very close by to my workplace and had a reasonable range of pricing options. And from everything I read about them (including the negative views from disgruntled and unhappy former patients), they did seem a generally competent outfit.

So in early April I went onto the company website and after a quick chat with their online assistants, I booked a no-obligation initial consultation (to ascertain suitability and share information) scheduled for two weeks time.

TO BE CONTINUED.

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Previous article: The Possibilities of Privilege

The Possibilities of Privilege

Yesterday, I went along to the Oxford & Cambridge Club in Pall Mall, London to a networking/social event held by the Oxbridge Muslim Alumni. The OMA has had a storied history going back about a decade with several well-intentioned management teams lasting an enthusiastic couple of years before life caught up with them and the OMA had to take a back-seat. As a former Secretary, it happened to me too*.

Mingling as we did yesterday, surrounded by the very tasteful interior decor of the O&C Club, it was quite easy to recognise that every single person in the room was in an uncommon and closed-off position of privilege. Everyone I spoke to seemed comfortable. Perhaps not happy but firmly comfortable and assured. Naturally, each person will have their own issues, but certainly with the environment and the atmosphere, it was several worlds away from the Children of Adam homeless food project that I help out with.

Privilege is a tricky beast to control and can be used for positive or for negative. We've seen very recently with the release of the Panamanian Mossack Fonseca Papers just how much privilege and access can be used to preserve that privilege for a select few. When a lone miser, who has been blessed with the light of a candle and doesn't use it to help others if they can, the world may not notice. But when many candles are hidden away, the world becomes a much darker place for everyone. Inequality has existed in all previous societies and, given scarcity of economic resources, will probably always exist. But that doesn't mean it's not worth trying to make a difference.

Which brings us back to OMA and other similar networks/communities. I had a really enjoyable evening reminiscing about university life with old friends, making new friends from the Other Place and I was very pleased to hear that the access and mentoring dreams of the previous incarnations of OMA are still strong in the new committee.

It's an excellent use of initiative to set up these kind organisations and I strongly believe they should do the best they can to help and develop their members but that in the long term it's vital to help others gain access to that privilege. When you've seen the abyss and you've seen the summit, it'd take a very cold soul to insist that people shouldn't be helped to climb to the top. To paraphrase from Spiderman - with great privilege comes great responsibility.

* The year was 2010 and I was innocent, fresh-faced, bright-eyed, had left Cambridge only the year before and was determined to try and continue the community that I'd gotten so involved with when I was Vice President of the University Islamic Society. My involvement lasted 3 up-and-down years and ended when I moved away from the hub of all things important (London).

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