Alone in a crowd

As a Christmas non-celebrator, this time of year has historically been fairly uneventful for me. The extra holidays from work are nice to have but with no need to buy any presents or get together for a family gathering, it's usually quite a mundane few days. Add the general cold and wintry weather to the mix and as holidays go, they're not the greatest.



This year has been somewhat different. Having moved out of the family home and moved job, I found myself spending the last few days in a very solitary environment. This, despite being in London and surrounded by millions of noisy people. The simple fact being that none of those millions were the people I know or care about so might as well have not been there.

By way of explanation: I'd leave early in the morning for work where the rest of my team was away and our current temporary location is such that we're not in the open plan area so we're visually cut off from everyone else in the building. The social highlights of my work day would be a regular morning conference call and also lunch where I'd briefly chat to the Lebanese shop-owner making my chicken wrap. The rest of the day would be spent mostly in silence after which I'd head to the gym (to undo the effects of the chicken wrap) and eventually take a bus back to Hounslow while watching Netflix. Upon arrival, I'd have a meal then eventually reach the house in the late night - thus minimising the time in my loft. The loft is comfortable but I can't help but feel that being stuck in it is a little like being in prison. I also ate more cake and biscuits this week than is usual for me.

All in all a very solitary week in which I felt particularly ghost-like - existing but having minimal significance. You may be able to tell that I'm not totally fond of being alone. In the event, I found myself using social media a lot more than I have done since starting my new job. The most obvious motivation for this is that I was making an effort to replace the real-world social contact with the poor substitute of online interaction.

I say poor substitute because on the one hand it enables me to stay in touch with a much larger group of people around the world and comes with more control as I can switch on and off as and when I please, but on the downside it's a whole lot easier to pretend things are great while wallpapering over the cracks of my general malaise, sadness and discontent. Not a healthy long term solution as despite the progression of online interactions, it's just not the same as a real, living, breathing person to interact with. That's not to say any random person would do. I'd happily avoid talking to numerous people, but with the right person, even silently sitting on a bus-stop bench and watching the traffic go by is a moment to cherish.

That said, even a poor substitute is better than no substitute, so if you are feeling alone and not enjoying the extra holidays or this time of year, don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about being so - you're most definitely not the only one. There are people who will want to hear from you so share your thoughts, share your feelings, make your prayers and keep a positive outlook.

It's at times like this that I'm reminded of the amazing story of my namesake Prophet Yusuf/Joseph (peace be upon him) where after having been betrayed and flung to die at the bottom of a well/pit by his own brothers with no probability of escape, at this darkest of moments he was inspired that this was not the end and great and tumultuous events were yet to happen and, most definitely, his story was far from over.

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Sound the (Passenger) Alarm

On Monday morning I set off for work ten minutes earlier than usual thinking I'd experiment and see what difference it might make to my commute. Trains get full pretty quickly in the morning rush and I'd often find myself not being able to get onto a train and having to wait a few minutes for the next one. The general state of London public transport doesn't help (Piccadilly line troubles) and given the general cold and wintry weather, I'm keen to minimise my time outdoors standing on train platforms! 

On this occasion, the platform announcer announced additional delays and I had to wait for three trains before I could board one, which completely ruined my extra ten minutes. Once on board, it was standing room only and as the train moved on and we passed through one, two, three more stations, the carriage became increasingly full to a point where personal space is no longer acknowledged and everyone is jammed up against each other. Naturally, it gets very hot and uncomfortable as everyone is dressed for the cold outdoor weather and wrapped up in many layers. In addition, the train line that I use starts at Heathrow Airport so is always also carrying numerous travellers with large and voluminous suitcases which take up valuable space and reduce mobility.

As the train pulled into Acton Town station I felt a little jostling at my back and I stoically ignored it like any self-respecting London commuter would. It irritatingly continued so I turned around to give my best glare at the person responsible to find that the lady responsible wasn't really in control of herself and looked like she was about to collapse! The train doors opened while someone said "she's not well" which was a needless statement. A seated tourist lady saw what was happening and suggested that someone should pull the alarm at which I, along with everybody else on the carriage, collectively thought "Damn" (or a stronger word to indicate displeasure). 

I'm fairly sure I wasn't the only one to make the mental calculation that pulling the alarm would delay everyone and if the lady could just get off the train while it was already stopped, everyone could be on their way and she could get any help she might need on the platform. Everyone's a winner!

No such luck. The lady continued to sway without intent and the tourist lady continued to clamour. The tension was broken by the beeping of the doors signalling their imminent closure. Again the mental calculations that it was now too late, someone would have to pull the alarm if the lady was going to get any help but was anyone going to be brave enough to do so? Yes was the answer, someone near the cord did pull the train alarm and the doors stopped in their beeping and stayed open and the train stayed still.

At this stage another mental calculation went through my mind. The lady wasn't going to be able to get off the carriage by herself but anyone who did help would be honour bound to make sure she was eventually OK and who knew how long that might take. We were all either on our way to work or tourists unfamiliar with the emergency systems. Maybe there was someone with her who could help her?

Everyone stood and watched and after what felt like an eternity, I had enough and stepped forward to half-carry and help the lady stagger off the train and onto the platform where after seating her down on a bench and checking she had her bag, I tried to find out what had happened. It seemed relatively obvious that she was fainting due to heat but I thought it worth checking. Shortly after that the platform attendant came along to investigate and I assured him the lady was responsive and coping OK and he trotted off to get the train moving again. The lady was fully coherent by this stage and I eventually left her and continued on my way to work armed with an exciting story.*

About fifteen seconds passed from when I first turned around to glare until I reached out to stop her from falling. It felt like a lot longer while all these considerations and calculations ran through my head and it certainly felt like an impossibly long fifteen seconds with the curious series of events.

It was curious that on a train surrounded by people, practically everyone was frozen by the thought of personal and general inconvenience. 

I think that everyone knew the right thing to do - to help the lady who clearly needed assistance. But at the same time, everyone was conflicted that if they did help there might be a penalty for someone else to pay. A delayed train would make people late for work - obviously an important part of people's lives and not everyone has the luxury of flexible start times. In the consideration of the wider good, could they help someone in distress? A little bit of a philosophical dilemma.

The other conflict was after the alarm had been pulled and everyone was going to be delayed a few minutes, would anyone take the hit to further inconvenience and further delay themselves to help a stranger in need. It was definitely a calculation that ran through my head and while I did I decide that her human need was greater than my desire to arrive at work on time, I'm very curious that it was something I actually had to consider. I also like to think that if I hadn't helped, someone else would have but who really knows. Maybe they'd have waited for the platform attendant and potentially valuable time would pass. In this case it was a relatively minor faint and not a heart attack or something very time-sensitive so maybe that's why people were reticent to assist immediately.

Lots of interesting questions to think about, not least of which is what would I like to have happened if it had been me fainting, but to my mind an interesting take away was that the world would be a much darker place without the kindness of strangers and if in doubt, help first and ask questions later. 

*The lady was indeed fine in the end - I coincidentally saw her again on Tuesday morning on the same train!

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