Are you single? I know someone.

Part and parcel of the single life is that friends and acquaintances may try and introduce you to someone they know. It's usually a noble goal and usually it's well-intentioned. And usually it's gratefully received - it gives a nice fuzzy feeling that someone is thinking of you and also thinks well enough of you that they're comfortable with allowing you to meet other people they know.

That said, there are good ways to suggest an introduction and there are ways that are not so good. Coming from a Muslim background where casual dating is not part of the single lifestyle - there's a lot riding on a successful introduction. This might be better in a flowchart but relationships are not often spoken about in Muslim circles so allow me to break down what good looks like:

The first question normally asked is clarification if you are still single. Understandably important because there's no point going any further if you're off the market. A simple yes or no deals with this one and if it's a "Yes" then we're good to progress to the next level.

The next comment/question is where you can usually tell if someone's made introductions before or if they're unpractised.

If they say "I know someone who's also single. Do you want to know more?" it's a strong indication that they're new to this. It's not an issue if they are new, but you on the receiving end of the introduction will have to be prepared to be just a little bit patient and to help them while they're trying to help you.

Of course you want to know more. You're very much aware that there are numerous singles of the opposite gender out there in the world and you very much want to know more about them! And as I've already pointed out - the Muslim way is to accelerate from zero to married which means it's a high-stakes game.

Some people may well be happy to meet someone armed with only the knowledge that they are also single. "She's female. You're male. You should obviously get married." Maybe I've been affected by modern thinking but I like to know that there might be some compatibility and that it's not a random roll of the dice by the introducer. I myself like to pretend I'm a busy person which means I theoretically don't have time to follow up on every whim and fancy.

Information is important. If you are the singleton on the receiving end of this, play nicely and ask the introducer the following four questions. And if you are the introducer - as a minimum be prepared to answer the following four questions:

• How you know the person? 
• What you know about them? 
• Why you think we'd do well together?
• Do you have a photo?

Detail is very welcome but answers don't need to be extensive and thorough - just enough to provide an indication that the introducer has put some thought into the introduction. "I know them from a place I volunteer. They're x years old, funny, creative and a practicing Muslim. They have an above-average interest in memes." is a perfectly good answer.

On to the photo. Human beings are visual creatures and we've learned to identify people by their faces - don't feel embarrassed to ask for one. Blind dates can be interesting but better to know who you're dealing with. As a minimum the photo should be clear enough that it could be used to successfully identify the person (without third party assistance) if and when the first meeting happens. Nothing blurry or low-resolution please. And definitely nothing with Snapchat rabbit-ears.

As an introducer be prepared to answer a few more questions (e.g. job/hobbies etc) but if you've got the above covered then you can pat yourself on the back - you're on your way to a job well done!

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London standing proud

Yesterday's event outside the Houses of Parliament was bad. Simple and straightforward. Murder is never good and neither is attacking innocent people. It wasn't a large scale 'planned' attack like that in Paris so it's debatable if it was terroristic in intent or whether it was an opportunist but even still, it doesn't make it right or at all OK.

When such events happen, unless you're in the immediate area while it's happening, the only thing you can really do is keep on as normal and not panic. Countless cars drive in and through Westminster and other crowded places on any given day. Multiple knives are readily available in every household. 99.99% of these are being used as they are meant to be and we can't be afraid of doing our everyday activities in case someone decides to use an everyday tool with malicious intent. The city has 8million people and for the most part they're quite normal and nice but in every barrel of apples you'll be able to find a few that are rotten. This doesn't mean you discard the whole barrel or start panicking that every apple is going to kill you.

I happened to be at work a few miles from Westminster when the news broke and for the most part, my colleagues and I carried on with our day, slightly unsettled and keeping on top of the news and various social media, but otherwise continuing on as normal. As the hours went by, a few more facts emerged about the actual incident and numerous of my civil servant friends who work in Westminster reported their offices being on lockdown for a few hours.

The news was piecemeal and facts were few and far between - most likely by police intent to help them conduct rapid investigations. Given the information vacuum, news agencies tried to fill in gaps with conjecture and theories on motives and perpetrators. Channel 4 ended up naming someone who later turned out to be in jail and not at all involved but who fit the theory they were trying to spin. Other opportunist hate-mongers used it as a vindication of their hate.

Generally speaking, I'd say we can be better. It's perfectly human to be scared, anxious, hateful and suspicious but it's equally human to be brave, calm, loving and trusting. Let the dust settle, see what happened for what it was and recognise that while there are those who wish ill on others, most people aren't like that. I'd say London is doing an outstanding job of this and is representing itself very well as a leading global city. And long may it do so in sha allah (God willing).

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President Trump

Tomorrow, 20th January 2017, sees the handover of executive power in the USA from Barack Obama to Donald Trump and I'm still in a state of confusion about this whole election. It's been a while since my last post, during which I've been exploring alternative avenues of creative expression (Periscoped Life and Muslim Harry Potter) and dealing with a couple of personal issues but now that we're so close to the official transfer of power, despite being in the UK and not directly affected by it, I can't help but be a little nervous about the new situation.

In conventional elections, people generally vote according to the political party representative that they feel holds the best policies and when the election is over the person makes an effort to fulfil the pledges and promises they made. You vote with a rough idea of what to expect.

The bizarre situation that the Americans are in now is that Trump was voted in on a whole lot of rhetoric and numerous ridiculous policies (anyone for a Mexican-paid wall or bringing back torture?). We'd have been in a pretty dire situation if he had pursued these policies but now that he's backtracked on quite a few of them and established that he's not interested in keeping his word or integrity, we're in a position of not knowing what on earth he plans to do other than his well documented attempts at being friendly with Vladimir Putin of Russia. So far as his promise of 'draining the Washington DC swamp' of lobbyists and special interest groups goes, he seems to be going for the approach of replacing the lobbyists with the people the lobbyists were representing. The best example of this being choosing the CEO of ExxonMobil - the world's largest oil company - as Secretary of State - the country's most senior diplomat.

Those of us in other countries can take some solace in the fact that we're not directly affected, but still be anxious in the fact that we'll be indirectly affected. The USA does hold the title of world's most powerful nation and - like it or not - decisions and actions that take place there have ripple effects across the world and as the country pushes a more divided and unpredictable line, this leads to unpredictable reactions by those affected and fairly soon we'll end up with a whole lot of uncertainty and find ourselves living in an even more reactionary and even more suspicious world.

However, while the average person can't do so much about what goes on in the upper echelons of the corridors of power, we can do a lot with our own actions and choices. When all around you is uncertain and seemingly going to hell in a handcart, keeping a level head and not giving in to the lure of suspicion and fear of your fellow man at an individual level is the only way to counter the forces that seek to divide.

To quote from the Quran 13:11 "Indeed, Allah (God) will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." This verse has multiple meanings and contexts but the essence of is that change has to come from within and with personal and individual effort, not whimsical hope for an undeserved or unearned saviour/miracle to remove what hardship the people are facing.

So rather than run scared and full of fear, keep praying and show love, affection and good judgement to those around you. Keep fighting ignorance and injustice where you see it while being careful not to indulge in those vices yourself. Maintain your own environment and help those around you maintain theirs without encroaching on the rights of others and with a little luck perhaps we'll all live to see another inauguration in four years time!


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