Important Jumuah Notice

An email I wrote while VP of Cambridge University I-Soc:
Assalamualaikum dear brothers.

I'm afraid this is a long email, but it is very important you read until the end. InshA it will be informative.

It has come to my attention that there have been several complaints about "inadequate" levels of covering up at Jumuah prayers by those brothers praying in the last rows who, for one reason or another, insist on displaying their body to those behind them, with little regard for the general well-being of the community. A quote from an affected sister (which may or may not be made up): "It's especially bad during the sujud! All of a sudden looking down is not an option for those with a wariness of things unsightly and those with a dislike of nausea!".

I'd like to be constructive in my criticism, so I have spent some time extensively researching the possible causes of the phenomenon and possible solutions and have devised a two-stage plan to resolve this thorny issue:

STAGE 1: Know Thine Enemy

One of our foes is quite easily identified. There is a relatively popular new fashion trend to wear low-hanging trousers which, as the name suggests, hang low. I'm not one to judge the fashionability of most clothing types, but I am strongly against low-hanging trousers and related clothing which, I am told, are designed "to show the batty". Having consulted various government bodies and experts I am sure I am not alone in regarding this particular fashion trend as "heading down the wrong road".

In an effort to aid comprehension and understanding I have compiled an exhaustive list of various acceptable low-hanging items:

• Fruit on trees.

My research further indicates that this new fashion could be an unwanted side-effect of the banning of corporal punishment in UK schools by the Education Act of 1986. The original motivation behind the legislation was to make life harder for teachers, to encourage rowdy behaviour in the classroom and to bring about a general feeling of malaise throughout the population.
However, new evidence suggests that an unforeseen consequence of the ban was to reduce sales of mens' belts (due to the removal of the option to teach young hoodlums a lesson in appropriate behavour by laying about them with your belt). Evidence to show the link between the ban and belt sales includes the irrefutable proof provided by watching a bout of professional wrestling. The "championship" belts (an unusual type of belt awarded to the champion) are often used to attack the opponent with the intention of discouraging the opponent from attacking the belt-holder. It is also worth noting the corroborative evidence of the dramatic drop in sales of canes.

A third detail which must be identified is the tendency of young males to wear t-shirts and/or pullovers which have a hem that only just reaches the waistband of their trousers. Under normal circumstances this is not a problem, but when in Ruku or Sujud, it is common for the lower back to become visible to those behind and trying to avoid direct eye-contact can be distracting for those trying to concentrate on their prayer.

STAGE 2: The Enemy of Your Enemy is your Friend

I will now embark on a brief discussion on the possible remedies for the aforementioned issues.

The simplest remedy to the problem is to wear a thawb. This particular item of clothing is very popular throughout the Middle-East because of the freedom of movement it affords (visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thawb for further information on thawbs). The basic design of thawbs makes it practically impossible to unknowingly display any skin and is thus ideally suited for praying in. There have also been claims that wearing a thawb is advantageous if you are ever in need of a quick route through a traffic jam. A causal link has never been proven though.
Naturally, different designs and styles are available for the fashion conscious.

For those with a penchant for trousers, I wholeheartedly recommend investing in trousers with a properly fitting waistline, even if it does mean coming to terms with any weight-issues you may have. The benefits of a properly fitting waistline are innumerable and so I will not attempt to ennumerate them.

I realise that most of you are students with a limited budget, so if you have any money remaining after purchasing properly fitting trousers, I would request that you use this money to invest in a quality belt (preferably leather) (visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belt_(clothing) for further information on belts). Recent advances in the science of belt and buckle manufacture now mean that you can purchase belts with removable buckles, something which was unheard of only four years ago. This exciting development is helping to reverse the decline in the popularity of the belt (see above for discussion). "The belt is mightier than the sword" is a well-worn phrase that has survived the test of time and it is clear why.

Finally, I recommend wearing a vest or shirt that can be tucked into the trousers. This style of dress is very popular throughout the business world and rightly so. The pervading sense of calm and oneness with the world that wearing a modern-day shirt causes has led some fashion gurus to state: "Fasten your seatbelts! Shirts are back in vogue and are every man's must-have fashion item!". I'm not going to argue with fashion gurus and neither should anyone else.



In summary, wear appropriate clothing when praying. This is important not only for modesty in dress, but also for the validity of your prayer.


Wasalaam,

Yusuf