Trust

Today evening at long last we had our Young Muslim Leadership Programme Alumni London gathering. It had been diarised for well over a month but there was a distinct air of mystery as no one knew who was going to turn up or why we were gathering. There had been suggestion of formalising an alumni group and there had been hints of starting some sort of activism and some talk of the bigger picture and how we could work together. But at the least we would be socialising and getting to know people from outside our own YMLP cohort. After 10 years of YMLP we expected that there would be a diverse range of people.

Upon arriving early at Kings College Student Union (kindly arranged by Nadine) I found the campus prayer room and having prayed I made my way back to the meeting place and sat down with the other early arrival - Sulaiman.

We sat across sofas and made small talk and were soon joined by a couple of other YMLPers. One of the girls didn't realise I was YMLP so when I asked her name she asked why I wanted to know. It was a bit awkward but when we realised what happened it made for good banter. And slowly the numbers grew until we had at least 20 people. It was still a muslim event though so these numbers of attendees were only reached well after the stated 6:30pm start. One or two thoughtful individuals had generously and farsightedly brought along some snacks and these were shared.

After an initial "introduce yourself" round, discussion began in earnest and we tried to address some of the questions people had in their minds: what did we want to do as an alumni group? how could we build up trust? what could we do? what could we not do? did anyone have any ideas right now? how often should we meet? shouldn't we focus on one main theme? should we copy the style of other muslim networks? why was this going to be different to the failed previous attempts?

All in all, there were lots of questions and thoughts shared. Passions were high and it was good to see the enthusiasm and the excitement. Opinions were wide and varied but for me the stand-out item was the issue of how often to meet. It was unanimous that we should meet but the frequency of meetings was up for debate. Monthly, bi-monthly or quarterly?

To my mind it was obvious that the more regular the meetings the better at this initial stage. With such a large group of people there's inevitably going to be dates that not everyone can do but that doesn't matter as those who have more schedule freedom and can make it will make it and those who can't can attend the next time or the time after that. With a group as large as we are blessed with you can consider the group separate from the individuals and so the group will meet and the momentum generated from today's session will be sustained even if single individuals can't make it.

It was curious to me then that others couldn't see this and insisted on proposing a schedule that they as an individual could commit to regardless of whether others could commit to a more frequent arrangement. The only explanation I could think of was that their enthusiasm for the project was such that they wanted to be involved in every part of it. This despite that reducing the frequency of activity would be likely to result in derailing of the project as people's other priorities come into play. In essence, they couldn't see that the idea was already bigger than any one individual and by failing to recognise that they were putting the idea in jeopardy purely through their good intentions.

Which brings me back to the bigger picture and working together. Since I am the centre of my own world it becomes very natural to think that I am an essential part of the bigger picture and without my direct involvement any project will fail and therefore anything that has to be done must be done with my approval and availability. But the beauty of working as a group is that teamwork comes into play. The group can function without you and things will get done without you.

But the important detail is it will only happen if you trust each other enough to let others do things without you. Trust is the key to a strong team but trust has to be built and earned. I'm not going to trust Joe Bloggs who I've only seen on a WhatsApp group - why should I when I know nothing about him? For myself, I'd only properly trust someone I've met, spoken to and gotten to know who they are as an individual. Trust is a part of human relationships that I think is often overlooked in people's enthusiasm and rush to start projects and I think it's time to take a closer look at it. Take yourself out of the "I know and trust myself and therefore everyone else should trust me"  and instead give them a reason to trust you.