Life and Death

Warning - this post discusses difficult issues. Please stop reading if you feel too uncomfortable.

I'm going to make a bold claim: people rarely discuss death. It's something that every last person on this planet is destined to experience yet I think in modern society the concept of death and the transient nature of life has been pushed far, far down the list of topics people are comfortable discussing. Maybe it has always been so but while I have no idea if mortality has ever been a dinner-table conversation, it's certainly true that in times gone by death was a much more regular event and much more a part of people's everyday lives.

As an example, churches were once the centre of the community - the place where everybody visited on a regular basis. If you ever visit an old church you'll find a graveyard adjacent to it in a prime location - often having to walk past it to enter the church. Nowadays graveyards have been relocated to out of town sites - out of sight and out of mind. Medicine and agricultural advancements have also contributed to leave death at the fringes of our existence and it has become so easy to forget that life is not forever despite a complete subconscious awareness that it is. 

Today I went to a talk titled "Coping with Death, Dealing with Grief" held by The City Circle. A little bit of a sombre title but the essence of the topic was the Islamic perspective on dealing with grief. The speaker (Shaykh Yunus Dudhwala) was very credible and well qualified to discuss the issue as the Head of Chaplaincy and Bereavement Services at Barts Health NHS Trust. 

To react to death and to grieve is perfectly natural and human and no one should be ashamed of such. Grief and bereavement show the depth of the bond between the departed and those left behind and comes from a compassionate and merciful place and this should not be forgotten. Different people do react differently to the death of someone close to them - their cultural and religious background affects their reaction as does their own belief of what death is. If they believe in life after death then that leads to a different view to someone who believe death is final. 

Islamic theology and practice is heavily rooted in the actions and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and one of the early points made was that the Prophet (pbuh) experienced the loss of relatives of every relationship: father, mother, grandparents, wife, uncles, sons, daughters and friends. The example is there for every situation and always he counselled and practiced patience and forbearance. The speaker shared a number of traditions describing the Prophet's instructions and comments to people suffering through grief. He encouraged compassion that allows for the release of grief. Crying and sadness are perfectly natural reactions and should not be discouraged - to feel is to be human and we are but human. Do not be too quick to judge the level of others' grief - some are stoic, others are more emotional. To each their own way of dealing with it and the best thing you can do is to support them and be there for them. That said though, some level of self-control is required in Islam - grief is personal and does not need to be announced to the world. Wailing, smashing things, screaming - all of these are not allowed. 

At the heart of it is the concept of patience and the famous verse "Allah is with those who are patient". Demonstrating patience and exercising self control at the time when feelings are most raw and you are at your most vulnerable is the pinnacle of spiritual achievement. Incredibly hard to do  when anger, frustration, sadness and wishfulness are all assaulting your mind. 

This is where the second major point comes into play. Islam teaches that there is life after death and whenever a Muslim hears of a death he/she is encouraged to say "To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return". A short phrase that has a superbly powerful and profound meaning. It's a reminder that our lives and the lives of our friends and the lives of our family and the lives of every single person who walks the earth are only ever on temporary loan and that the loan will eventually have to be paid back. It teaches the awareness that the time is appointed for everyone and cannot be avoided. There are no premature deaths in Islam. People may die young but not early as it was ever written thus.

So with this awareness what does it mean for us? To me, the blessing in all this is that the length of the loan is unknown to us. That death can come at any time can be either a cause for lethargy or a spur for activity. It's the difference between "If I don't know if I'll get to finish an endeavour why should should I bother to start it?" and "If I don't know I'll get to finish an endeavour I had better make sure I do as much as I can!". The latter is a much more positive view and should be the default stance for everybody. Think on death and your own mortality but let it drive you to achieve, build, maintain your relationships, be productive and generally do what is worthwhile in life.

P.S. Here's an interesting folktale on the impermanent nature of life.

Empowerful

Yesterday I went along to a Palestine fundraising event called "Empowerful" (https://www.facebook.com/events/1502161260094186/) which apart from it's unusual name (Empowering+Powerful) caught my eye a week or two ago when its colourful poster appeared on my Facebook newsfeed. I'd only heard of one of the speakers/entertainers before (Myriam Cerrah) but some friends had clicked they were going to the event and it looked like it might be a good gig and since I had the Saturday afternoon mostly free I was keen to attend. And as it happened it was also a good opportunity to see how my motorbike would fare in Saturday Central London traffic!

I turned up and quickly scanning the audience couldn't spot anybody I knew and upon frantically messaging people I discovered that all of the few who I thought were attending had had to cancel for one reason or another! A bit disappointing but no calamity: when you have 200+ people in a room that's 200+ people to talk to. It turned out the guy across the aisle from me was also called Yusuf and therefore we were guaranteed to have a good time!

The host kicked things off and one by one the speaker line up did their thing. Some spoke about their own stories and some of the challenges they'd faced while others chose to share other people's stories. All were interesting and all were powerful. There were reverts, rappers, doctors, social activists, youtubers, poets and storytellers - it's rare to see such a wide variety of performers and I was suitably impressed.

The storyteller, Mary Clark, had a background in science but told a very human story revolving around depression (which seemed an odd choice to me given the empowerment focus) but it was handled delicately and turned into an inspiring story about mental health issues. 

The rapper and singer duo from Deen Squad delivered strong performances and, technical issues notwithstanding, they proved to be very entertaining. The rapper, Jae Deen, spoke about his own journey to Islam and some very personal difficulties - particularly poignant was his line about having never prayed jamaat (congregational) prayer in his family home as his parents and family were not receptive to his Islam.

The poet, Tommy Evans, had three poems lined up - the first two were in line with the inspiration and empowerment theme but he finished with a very amusing poem about his beard! (If you click the link you'll see a photo of the man and note he has a shaved head and a ginger beard!)

Harry Fear from Russia Today talked of his experiences as a news correspondent assigned to cover Gaza. It was fascinating to hear his views on the issue as someone whose job it is to be the mouthpiece of the news.

Dr Swee Ang (orthopaedics) delivered a very moving story of how she arrived in the region many, many years ago as a Christian Zionist but upon working in Lebanon with Gazan refugees and then later in Gaza itself had her views changed to the other side of the fence and has written a book about her experiences (From Beirut to Jerusalem).

During the lunch break I abandoned my new Yusuf friend and went to talk to the speakers/entertainers. They proved to be as interesting as you would expect from such colourful background and my enjoyment of the event rose several notches and I also managed to get a front row seat for my troubles which was an excellent result! I spoke with Majdi Aqil from Interpal who gave me useful advice when he found out I was learning Arabic. Dr Swee Ang shared her views with me on the current Junior Doctors'/NHS privatisation issues and when I left the auditorium for Maghrib prayer I ended up leading some of the poets in prayer and I managed to have a chat with them as well.

And eventually we wound up doing the fundraising that was the primary purpose of the event. Most of the audience were students yet together they collectively pledged to raise over £70,000! Outstanding numbers mA and it was very heartwarming to see the passion and eagerness to help those less fortunate.

Empowerment and Powerful. These themes ran through the whole afternoon's entertainments and activities and, aside from the ideas and thoughts it sparked in my own head, I'm really pleased I went along.

Trust

Today evening at long last we had our Young Muslim Leadership Programme Alumni London gathering. It had been diarised for well over a month but there was a distinct air of mystery as no one knew who was going to turn up or why we were gathering. There had been suggestion of formalising an alumni group and there had been hints of starting some sort of activism and some talk of the bigger picture and how we could work together. But at the least we would be socialising and getting to know people from outside our own YMLP cohort. After 10 years of YMLP we expected that there would be a diverse range of people.

Upon arriving early at Kings College Student Union (kindly arranged by Nadine) I found the campus prayer room and having prayed I made my way back to the meeting place and sat down with the other early arrival - Sulaiman.

We sat across sofas and made small talk and were soon joined by a couple of other YMLPers. One of the girls didn't realise I was YMLP so when I asked her name she asked why I wanted to know. It was a bit awkward but when we realised what happened it made for good banter. And slowly the numbers grew until we had at least 20 people. It was still a muslim event though so these numbers of attendees were only reached well after the stated 6:30pm start. One or two thoughtful individuals had generously and farsightedly brought along some snacks and these were shared.

After an initial "introduce yourself" round, discussion began in earnest and we tried to address some of the questions people had in their minds: what did we want to do as an alumni group? how could we build up trust? what could we do? what could we not do? did anyone have any ideas right now? how often should we meet? shouldn't we focus on one main theme? should we copy the style of other muslim networks? why was this going to be different to the failed previous attempts?

All in all, there were lots of questions and thoughts shared. Passions were high and it was good to see the enthusiasm and the excitement. Opinions were wide and varied but for me the stand-out item was the issue of how often to meet. It was unanimous that we should meet but the frequency of meetings was up for debate. Monthly, bi-monthly or quarterly?

To my mind it was obvious that the more regular the meetings the better at this initial stage. With such a large group of people there's inevitably going to be dates that not everyone can do but that doesn't matter as those who have more schedule freedom and can make it will make it and those who can't can attend the next time or the time after that. With a group as large as we are blessed with you can consider the group separate from the individuals and so the group will meet and the momentum generated from today's session will be sustained even if single individuals can't make it.

It was curious to me then that others couldn't see this and insisted on proposing a schedule that they as an individual could commit to regardless of whether others could commit to a more frequent arrangement. The only explanation I could think of was that their enthusiasm for the project was such that they wanted to be involved in every part of it. This despite that reducing the frequency of activity would be likely to result in derailing of the project as people's other priorities come into play. In essence, they couldn't see that the idea was already bigger than any one individual and by failing to recognise that they were putting the idea in jeopardy purely through their good intentions.

Which brings me back to the bigger picture and working together. Since I am the centre of my own world it becomes very natural to think that I am an essential part of the bigger picture and without my direct involvement any project will fail and therefore anything that has to be done must be done with my approval and availability. But the beauty of working as a group is that teamwork comes into play. The group can function without you and things will get done without you.

But the important detail is it will only happen if you trust each other enough to let others do things without you. Trust is the key to a strong team but trust has to be built and earned. I'm not going to trust Joe Bloggs who I've only seen on a WhatsApp group - why should I when I know nothing about him? For myself, I'd only properly trust someone I've met, spoken to and gotten to know who they are as an individual. Trust is a part of human relationships that I think is often overlooked in people's enthusiasm and rush to start projects and I think it's time to take a closer look at it. Take yourself out of the "I know and trust myself and therefore everyone else should trust me"  and instead give them a reason to trust you.

Scoping out the issues

Yesterday while doing a DIY job I noticed myself performing quite a few aspects of project management. One in particular was the issue of changing scope - where I started with a grand plan and a perfect outcome and ended up with a much smaller plan with a slightly less than ideal outcome.

After two months of riding my motorbike I decided that enough was enough and I should do something about the gate/door to our back garden. It was slightly too narrow for my motorbike to go through comfortably and could only be locked from the inside - which was hindrance to making a speedy getaway for all those times I need to! So in my head I blue-skyed the situation and planned out a complete solution involving a brand new, a new door frame and a fancy lock which would open/lock from both sides. It all seemed very simple.

But before I went and bought any new materials I decided to inspect the current situation and make sure I knew what was needed. As I looked the door up and down I began to see issues and difficulties with my big plan that I hadn't thought of during my blue-sky phase. The facts on the ground/wall meant my grand plan was going to be a big job and one that would be quite expensive in both cost, time and effort.

My response was to reconsider my plans and discuss the issues with my father to draw upon his experience and come up with an alternative fix which left the existing door in place and only touched one side of the door-frame. Much less work involved and it would widen the gap enough for my motorbike to ride through comfortably if I twisted the wing mirrors in. I considered this an acceptable compromise and so we started with the new plan and by the time the sun set the work was complete and I now have an OK ride in and out of the gate with a lock that opens from both sides. All in all a good day's work - even if it does mean having to readjust mirrors every time I take the bike out.

Thinking about it later with my project management hat on I noticed the issue of scope and how easy it is to get carried away at the start of any change project with grand ideas of perfect solutions. From the comfort of an armchair/bed it's all very well to say this is how the world should be and complain about why it isn't like that. It's only once you get your hands dirty and try and implement the grand idea that you run into issues of practicality, resource and cost. And then you might realise that actually an interim solution that fixes the big problems but leaves behind smaller issues is actually good enough for now until such time as the resources become available for a complete fix.

I've learned similar during my professional experiences - start with the ideal situation but be aware that 'the best laid plans of mice and men do often go awry' and there's no shame in adapting your plans to take into account new circumstances. In fact I'd go so far as to say a plan that doesn't allow for change is a bad plan!
And of course it's the same in all areas of life - relationships, politics, starting a social movement. Don't be afraid to not reach your initial goal on the first attempt. Adapt and do what you can to meet most of the goal instead. But far better to try and fail than not try at all.

Integrating with a Community

My reading fell a bit behind over the Eid period as my time was consumed by consuming food and spending time with the extended family. As with any family gathering the topics discussed were varied and wide-ranging but most predictably we ended up talking politics. Local, regional and international politics were all covered and many views were shared - some amusing, others confusing and some others worrying!

When I eventually did get back to my reading of Martin Lings' biography of Muhammad (pbuh) the story was dealing with that most critical time period of the Hijrah (the Migration). This was the time in which life for the Muslims in Makkah had become very uncomfortable and had begun to emigrate from Makkah to Madinah (then known as Yathrib) where the message of Islam had found a friendly ear. The Quraysh had grown so frustrated and angry that they were prepared to break with tradition and misuse their laws and regulations and plan an assassination attempt on the Prophet's (pbuh) life! The attempt failed due to miraculous events and the Prophet (pbuh) was able to safely make his way to Madinah though the journey was not without difficulty.

The groundwork for integrating the Muslims into the Madinah community had started many months previously with a companion called Musab doing missionary work in the city and spreading the message of Islam so by the time the Prophet (pbuh) arrived he had strong support from the two main tribes of Madinah - the Aws and the Khazraj. For the longest time these two tribes had been equally powerful and co-existing but not always as friends. Bloodshed was common and despite attempts at forging long lasting peace trouble always seemed to break out - often at the instigation of third parties who profited from their disunity.

The chiefs at the time recognised this and had begun to put plans into place to set up an equivalent of a king over both tribes. One man was a shoo-in for this job - Abdullah ibn Ubayy. Wealthy, powerful and influential - he had the support of both tribes and was willing to take on the responsibility of kingship. Unfortunately for him however, his expected rise to the top of society coincided with the arrival of the Prophet (pbuh) who upon entering Madinah was immediately raised to the position of leader and the top order of society was suddenly quite different to only a short time ago.

The Prophet (pbuh) took on his new role but didn't change the existing civil structures of Madinite society. The people were accustomed to a particular order - they had their tribal chiefs and clan chiefs and were content with their society. So rather than fundamentally tinkering with society the prophet SAW added to it. He took on his role as leader by taking a new position above the tribal chiefs. Power and influence still flowed exactly as before except now there was an additional level. Tribal chiefs were still important and had great influence amongst their tribes but, in modern terms, now reported to the Prophet (pbuh) rather than being a law unto themselves. Taken as a whole this mean that for the most part people could recognise the new leader and understood his role. For the everyday Madinah man little had changed and he could continue his life as before.

That's not to say everyone was happy. Unsurprisingly, Abdullah ibn Ubayy wasn't too impressed with the new situation but he hadn't gotten to his status by being a total fool. He still had access to the wealthy and powerful and decided to play it cool with Islam and not get involved. The Prophet (pbuh) had been made aware of Abdullah ibn Ubayy's particular situation and recognised that Abdullah ibn Ubayy's influence could be greatly beneficial to Islam's cause if it were channelled in the right direction. So rather than ostracise and sideline him he made special efforts to bring him on-side. Again - using the existing power structures to help society progress rather than making aggressive changes. His efforts were not immediately successful but he persisted. As time wore on and Abdullah ibn Ubayy's influence began to diminish due to his non-Muslim status he did eventually respond to the Prophet's (pbuh) overtures and convert to Islam (by word at least if not by heart).

There's lessons to be learnt from how the Prophet (pbuh) went about integrating into his new community. He didn't come in and turn everything upside down and establish an entirely new system. By working with the existing society system and simply adding to it he was able to keep most of the populace in step with his goals. His position was recognisable and his authority undeniable because he had the approval of those that the everyday man recognised as people of authority. He'd made efforts to win the agreement of the existing chiefs - which in itself was not done overnight but with time, care and planning. All in all it was a masterstroke of political leadership and one that any student of politics can learn from.

The modern and ancient Muslim

Since the last post I've read further in the book and the subject matter has changed from the histories and ancestries of the Quraysh and its various clans to the detail of Islam's nascent period. And within it there's a number of parallels to the modern day situation of Islam.

The first section of the book was important to get an understanding of the culture and society in which Islam arrived and while it's over a thousand years away and the cultural practices are different to today the weaknesses of human nature that existed then are still here with us now.

To put things into some context for those unfamiliar with the histories - the Quraysh held the role of The Establishment in Makkah. They were the guardians of culture and held great power and influence throughout ancient Arabia as a result of their custodianship of the Kaaba. The continuation of their influence was reliant on maintaining the status quo - visitors could worship whatever they liked when in Makkah so long as they let everybody else do the same. As a result - everyone felt safe and the pilgrims and merchants that visited the city continued to visit and business was booming. And this was the accepted pattern of life for a number of years before the advent of Islam.

When Islam did arrive in the form of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his message of the Oneness of Allah the Quraysh initially looked upon the 'new' religion as an oddity that could be ignored and subsumed within the numerous other religious traditions that co-existed perfectly well in their society. And for a while there was little controversy. But eventually it became clear that Islam wasn't going to go away and in fact Islam did not allow for the idolatry that the Arabs practiced. It called for them to revert to the worship of the One God and the abandonment of their idols - a theology that they had forgotten with the passage of time despite their pride at being of the children of Ibrahim (as).

As those same pilgrims and merchants visited the city they heard the new message and the Quraysh began to worry. If the pilgrims and merchants felt their beliefs and traditions were being challenged then they'd come less often and the city's commerce would suffer. And with reduced commerce and wealth the power and influence of the Quraysh would diminish and soon some other tribe would come and depose them - much like they had deposed the Jurhum tribe many years before.
And so with their way of life under a perceived threat they nervously upped the ante and began an aggressive physical and economic campaign against the new religion. When people are fearful they become defensive and/or lash out against the threat.

A major problem they faced however was their own cultural laws and practices allowed that clan chiefs could provide inviolable protection to individuals which meant that no one was allowed to harm that individual. And Muhammad (pbuh) was under the protection of his uncle and clan chief Abu Talib. Frustratingly for them it was in the other clan chiefs' own personal interests that Abu Talib's protection was allowed since if they rejected his right to provide protection they nullified their own rights to provide protection.

However, not all the new Muslims were under protection and it was these Muslims who faced the full brunt of the Quraysh's anger and fear. The book goes into some detail about the horrible things that were done to them which I won't go into but suffice it to say they had a very rough time. It was a time without many of the legal rights, protections and impartiality we expect from our modern society and the suffering and abuses of power were very real. In short it was not a good time to be an everyday Muslim. Yet the Muslims maintained their religion and were determined to stick by it as it was a belief that had entered their hearts and no earthly power could take that away from them. They were strong enough to show the nonbelievers that theirs was a better way of life and to live by the ideals that Islam taught. And this had an effect on some of the oppressors - that they recognised by observing the Muslims in action that they weren't so bad after all and perhaps it might be a good idea to find out more about what they were up to. This is where I see the most relevant parallel to the modern context.

In general we have a much easier time of religious practice in the UK than the early Muslims did in Makkah. We have considerable freedom to live within or religion whilst complying with the local laws. We have it good. And we have the opportunity to showcase the best of Islam by our own deeds and interactions with people of other or no faith. When your neighbour or work colleague thinks of a Muslim they should think of you and not some stereotyped image of a man in a mask standing in a desert screaming at the camera. And through thinking of you they should come to the conclusion that 'Yep, these Muslims might have different beliefs to me but I know a Muslim and based on hi/her character and what I've seen of him/her I can say they're a good people.' That's the goal and it's a difficult one that requires each and every one of us to pull our weight. Are you up for the challenge?

Martin Lings' Muhammad

This post is about Martin Lings' biography of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

I've long had a bit of a will-they wont-they relationship with Martin Ling's book. The book chronicles the life and times of Muhammad (pbuh) and was written in English by a person who had an excellent command of literary English and knew how to use words. By all accounts it's right up there as one of the best English language biographies that there is and now that I've finally started reading it I have to agree.

I first came across the book when at university in 2006 where several of my fellow students in the Islamic Society talked about it with great enthusiasm and reverence and shared a copy amongst each other. From childhood to adulthood I'd read numerous Early Islamic history books covering the sahabah and their stories, the battles and wars that were fought and the life of the Prophet (pbuh) himself so felt I had a reasonable understanding of this time period. And since I was at university there was plenty that a person could get distracted by - whether with academic study or joining the college Rowing Club and learning the finer points of life on water. And distracted I was until the winter holidays of my final year when I remembered the book and having found it in my college library I borrowed it and took it home with me to read over the winter vacation.

It stayed in my luggage through the whole holiday and eventually when I returned to university in the autumn I discovered it had actually left my luggage and was in my sister's possession! Which was a real frustration as I soon received notice of an overdue book fine from the library. Luckily for me I was able to get to her house and pick up the book and still without having opened it I gave it back to the library.

Fast forward a few years to summer 2014 and I somehow came across the book on Amazon and decided to buy it. It arrived within a couple of days and I finally had my own copy to read and no excuse to not read. Yet I still did not read it and amidst my quarter-life crisis it got buried under a whole host of other books that I bought from various charity shops and I forgot about it again. Over the next year it moved with me to my next flat and then back with me to my family home where it ended up in my brother's possession. During this time I took up reading on the train commute to work and worked my way through several books on a variety of subjects.

All until yesterday when having recently come back from YMLP with a rekindled flame in my heart for all things religious and knowledgeable I decided to finally read the book. It took me a while to track it down as it had moved around the house and at last I found it in a little used cupboard in the little used spare room.

At long last I began to read and an hour later had made it through 35 pages. And what a book it is! The book is definitely well-written and evokes more than mere fact but it's more than the words on the page. The subject matter of the book is plainly Muhammad (pbuh) but for me the book connected me to a heritage that had faded from my mind. A shared heritage that I think has faded from a lot of muslim minds. Amidst all the scandal and negative news that the world hears about muslims on a daily basis the book shows the prime example that we should be following.

The book opens with a discussion of the Prophet's (pbuh) ancestry starting with Ibrahim (AS) which on the surface is fairly academic and dry but I drank it up as it highlighted to me what I had forgotten - the history of Islam is a long, storied and glorious one and we should be proud to humbly call ourselves Muslim. Islam has been going for a very long time and while it may feel like it's under sustained attack right now - it has ever been thus and yet by the grace of Allah truth has consistently prevailed. Muslims of old lived their Islam and favourably demonstrated their value to the wider society they lived in. And that is something that we can hold on to in our modern society.